Ambitions
by Badfaith Obviously
Summary: Roxas starts another conversation he can't finish. Axel gives his makeshift philosophy on life. AkuRoku


_I've been wondering whether or not to ask him...y'see.... I'm not sure if I should. I always start and don't know how to finish. I wish the words would line together in the right order...and I wish that that boy from my dreams...I wish he didn't make it so hard to speak. I feel like I'm running out of time somehow, and I want to make the most of it by saying what I mean. But I can't seem to, maybe the words aren't there, and just like me...and my friends...they don't exist yet.  
_

_ In those dreams...everything seems clear. just within my grasp, but when I wake up...It's all jumb..it's all fragmented.  
_

_ I start conversations I can't finish.  
_

"Axel"

"Hm"?

"Do you ever feel...cheated"?

"What're you talkin' about. We're having fun eh?"

"..Yeah, we are "

"And your getting ...less pathetic with fighting every day"

_A Grin_

_"Definitely_, I'm so close to beating you"

"Well I wouldn't go that far..but you are..progressing."

" Thankfully now I have all my motor skills."

_A short laugh_

"So what leaves you wanting? Don't we rise above those every day goons do puttering around? And why are they so privileged? Because they have _hearts_? I don't see what good it does 'em. How many of them get to go from world to world freely like we do? Hm, and look so good doing it. All expenses paid, little man, all venues accessed- the only thing we have to think about is what we were born for... as far as I'm concerned..."

"We're not really missing anything"?

"I..I guess you could say that. Yeah. Hey...Roxas, where is this coming from"?

".I've...I've just been thinking lately.

"Shouldn't do that too often, it's bad for you" _Smirk_

"Heh..."

"Alright, that's weak. Really. What's up with you"?

"I..I just feel lately, like all of this is... pointless...no..that's not the right wor-"

"Pointless! _Thanks_"!?

"Pfft. Yeah. ...but what're we fighting _for_? The Superior seems to be the only one who really knows. Maybe Saix...or Vexen. Maybe not even them, really. I look at all the people when we go out.....and...we're so powerful...but I feel like we're _less_ than them somehow,....like..... like our eyes don't shine as bright or as big. It's nothing superficial, I can't even really name it...It's just...something wrong. Like a bad remake of a movie, y'know? Something....something like that. Axel...dosen't it bother you to...not know_ why"?_

_Raises an eyebrow _"You hardly ever string a sentence together and then you give me _this_ "

_Sigh _"Well if you want me to drop it..."

"Nah nah, don't go getting your panties in a twist little man. I'm trying to explain that it..."

_He always looks the best when he tries to be sincere_

_"._..look kid, I know yer newborn and everything, all blue eyed and blond, but...the fact is, to survive in this world, you have to learn to let go. Don't over confusicate yourself. If I went around getting all _existential _all the time- well who knows...Maybe I'd be no worse off than the Heartless. All they do is crave something else, do they look like their having a good time to_ you_?

I know ya can't remember much, but who needs memories? The point is to make new ones. To keep sticking your nose in stuff. Especially where it dosen't belong. Adventure! Right"?

"Right. adventure..."

"Got it memorized, _punk_"?

_Finally a giggle,_ "Yeah, punk"!

_A relieved smile _"That's more like it...now shut up and eat your icecream, Roxas".

_And I do, for a bit._

_I kept trying to shove it away. I know he's not the right person to ask. But he's all I've got. and I want him to understand so badly. If I want anyone to know how I feel- it's him. I guess it'd be like wanting your parents to look at the good grades on your homework. But I can't do it. He just dosen't understand, or...probably...dosen't want to._

"So, lemme get this straight- Axel... you _never_ think about having a heart"?

"...Aw hell kid...."

"Look it's a valid question. I thought the deal was that _all _you guys wanted one"?

"Why do _I _get stuck with all the icky conversations"?

"Well isn't it"?

"...Well I mean, yeah, eventually...but....but. Hey wait a second. Don't _you_ want one, Roxas"?

_Now he's.... concerned, and I know it's time to drop it. I can't face that expression. I always wonder when I see his face. How we can't feel. How can he look so alive- so real..not like a puppet, or a paper doll...like the rest of them. He makes it seem like we feel for eachother. When we don't. He makes it seem like we're close. When we're not.... I'm afraid to look at him too much, I'll see myself there in that blank mirror. Or someone I know. Someone....special.  
_

_So I'm stunned now _"I..I..don't...well..." _but I smirk, he's crafty, smarter than me, but I feel like I know him_. _I know what buttons to press._"Hey, look who suddenly _cares_"

_He shakes head, I can see something there in his eyes, and it's something he dosen't want to be there. I'm relieved when he smiles. _"B-tard with a capital B... You make me crazy...look just because I.."

"Mmhm"

"Dosen't mean.."

"Axel, shut up and eat your icecream"

_And there is laughter._

_But I don't think now's the best time.  
_


End file.
